ADVERTS? Not the silly ones but ones that insult our intelligence.

First though, the most annoying one? It is got to be the clown from, Gladstone Brookes, who talks to us like we are all thick! Surely if we were entitled to compensation for PPI we would know to apply for it without having to listen to him 24/7.

Funniest one? That would be the dancing tree on the Burroca advert. Now the insulting ones, Happy Turkeys, Happy Eggs. How are they happy, when they are going to get eaten?

Men with beards advertising after shave? Hugo Boss, Yves Saint Laurent, Paco Rabanne. But wait, it is not after shave is it?

Its perfume. They are not going to admit that.

Fat free, 99 calories. Do they think we are that stupid? 99 pence, 99 really?

You see a sofa for £499. On enquiring where are the two matching armchairs? Oh that will be another £499!

An appearance by Veet, which apparently trims pubic hair without removing underwear? Aye right.

On the subject of sanitary products, urine and blood are not blue unless your an aristocrat. Jersey Royal Potatoes hand painted hand picked. Pull the other one, that went out with the Ark.

Clearly the people behind this advert have never worked at the tatties, I have!

Four different adverts with women kicking a heavy bag with boxing gloves, bandaged hands, cotton mitts! Ladies you use bag gloves. Pantene lady shampoo, try hitting the bag with your strong hair, then you might move or dent the bag.

Toothpaste vampires, Oral B? Why not Oral A? Colgate Max Plus.

The last time I saw a mouth and teeth that size were fastened onto a neck in a Hammer Horror film!

The daddy of them all, life insurance, aye? I have two separate policies. When I took them out I asked the providers if I now get eternal life. I wished I had a camera for the look on their faces!!

Why don't they call it what it really is? Its death insurance. Freddy Mercury-'Who wants to live forever!'

BILL BISHOP,

Ballingry.